“Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.” Ray Bradbury
This quote became my mantra two years ago.
I had been a middle school art teacher for twelve years. Being a teacher, of course, is very fulfilling in many ways. It is also extremely demanding on your physical, mental, and creative energies. During this time, I was also living with Chronic Active Epstein Barr Virus (or as my friend calls it, Chronic Arctic Einstein Butt). In a nutshell, the mononucleosis virus is chronically active in my body, never going into remission, causing a constant and intense source of fatigue and poor immunity. Year after year, I would become sick at the beginning of fall semester and stay sick until school let out. I attempted to lighten my load at school, but if you’ve ever taught in public education, you know that’s, um, not possible.
Two years ago, I had a bonafide meltdown in front of my parents, in the middle of my favorite restaurant -- complete with heave-sobbing and booger-bubbling and profuse-upper-lip-sweating – and I knew something had to drastically change. I have wonderfully supportive parents and friends who I confided in, and who gave me guidance and courage to step away from my job and focus on healing. I saved every spare penny, enough for one year’s salary, and then… I jumped! Twice! My first jump involved taking a year of personal leave from my teaching position and, one year later (starting this month), my second jump involved moving forward as a full-time artist.
I truly found out how to unfold my wings as I fell… once I made the decision and opened myself up to possibilities, doors and windows opened all over the place. It was almost as if projects and artists and galleries were waiting for me to come out and play. Things practically happened for me, and when I sought out opportunities, I usually got a huge and hearty YES. I take it as a sign that I’m heading in the right direction! My current obsessions are encaustic mixed media, handbound books, and visual journaling.
The butterfly has recently become a powerful symbol for me, signifying this period of personal transformation and growth.